Needing a Clue Card

Needing a Clue Card

November 13, 2010

Yes, I am needing a clue card right now. My son is... well, not right. He is not melting down. He is not raging. He is going to school and playing with friends. Why am I not happy? Why? Because, he is not right.

My son is having trouble focusing. He is talking out of turn at school. He is touching and handling everything. It's like his sensory problems are running crazy but muted. What the hell is going on?

Ok, it's driving me crazy. I'm an expert at my children, particularly my son and his many issues, but this one has me confused. He is unfocused which is pretty unusual for my child. His senses are out of whack but not wildly out of whack. He continues to sleep without the help of melatonin. His asthma is in control.

On the other hand, my son will run around and stick his hands in raw hamburger. (So far I've caught him everytime before he has stuck his hand in his mouth.) He touches everything on the kitchen counter. On the other hand (yes, I have three hands) he uses his words to get gum or chewy stuff to cut down on issues. The babytalk has not reappeared. I'm lost.

I suspect others have been in the same situation that I am. You know that something is not quite right with your child but you don't know what. I feel like my son might have the beginnings of the flu or ADD or … I don't know, a tapeworm, SOMETHING. We're at the beginning of something, I just don't know what. Maybe I'll never know. Maybe my mommy-spidey senses will conquer this problem and it will just disappear.

In the meantime, we are playing sensory games. Gum has become a daily item in our house. I purchased the old fashioned, tough bubble gum today. According to my therapist it counts as heavy work. I also picked up Starburst and Carmels. Both are very chewy for my kid. In addition, I used spray icing, graham crackers and plastic plates for dessert tonight. Both my kids thought it was “so cool” to get icing to both play with and to eat. The graham crackers were just extra. My son didn't eat a lot of the icing but he did play with it. Maybe this new texture will help him integrate.

My detective work continues...

MIL - again

November 11, 2010

It has been so many days since I've written. My MIL who recently moved to the area has not been doing well. On Friday, I was at her place for several hours because she was having a lot of difficulty breathing. We discussed going to the ER repeatedly but the doctor kept telling us that as long as her oxygen numbers were above a certain level that we should wait. For 6 hours we waited. Finally the medication took hold and her breathing eased. Everything was starting to look ok.

Saturday was the birthday party for my twins. I checked in frequently but my MIL continued to do ok.

Now, Monday. *sigh* At 8:30am I get a call from the Assisted Living place. “Are we taking MIL out? Is she going home on this day?” Why would she go home? “MIL has explained that she has to get home. She has many household things that need her attention.”

9:00am Monday. A call from MIL left on the answering machine. “I have to leave the Assisted Living place. (note the “have to”) Can you bring something for me to pack in? I'm planning to stay with you until you can take me home.”

9:45am Monday. I arrive at the A.L. After dropping my kids at school. I unpack her while explaining that she does not “have” to go home... but it's ok, she explains because she needs to go home anyway. Mmm, no. I reply, “ but you need to be healthy for more than 2 days before you can go home. Just Friday you asked to go to the ER because you were having problems.”

“I was having problems? I think your confused. I didn't ask to go to the ER!” At this point I stopped and looked at her... really, really looked and there was not a bit of guile in her face. She didn't remember the problems from Friday or the calls to the doctor or the decisions to go to the ER vs. not go. She didn't remember. Wow.

We've known for a bit now that my MIL suffers from mild dementia but nothing serious. Well, surprise, serious has just entered the building. With her breathing problems and difficulty maintaining her weight (she is too skinny) her dementia can spiral out of control in just a few seconds.

Moving forward to yesterday and today. Breathing problems come and go with MIL but progressed to pneumonia in one lung yesterday. Today, it took over the second lung. By 8:00am I was on the phone again talking to the A.L. place and leaving messages for the doctor. By 9:00am I was again thinking ER. By 10:00am medicine had kicked in and things were getting better.

By 11:00am, I was exhausted.

I would like to say that I have some words of wisdom. Something to share with others who might be in this same situation, but right now I am just getting through from day to day. I'm hopeful that tomorrow will not bring another 8:00am call. I'm hopeful that I can sit in my pj's and catch up on the laundry. Someday I will have the time to ponder how I've spent my life but right now I just want to drink my glass of wine and go to bed.

Ah, what will tomorrow bring?

The Birthday Weekend

The Birthday Weekend

Nov 7, 2010

Sorry for the multi-day disappearing act. It was a crazy weekend.

Saturday we held the birthday parties for my twins. Girls went to Monkey Joes and boys went to Chuck E Cheese. Now, I have to take a minute to plug CEC. Wow, what a fantastic job they did! We tried for very small birthday celebrations this year and wound up with 5 children per party including the birthday child. CEC quoted us a per child price, regardless of party size. It included tokens and pizza and a balloon and crown for the birthday boy. It came to a killer $65 bucks. A fantastic deal.

Monkey Joes didn't have parties for under 8 children and they started at $200. If I wanted, I could add pizza to that. Seriously? We didn't throw the official party at MJ's, just went to play. In all, my daughters party still cost more and was less cool. She didn't notice, but I did. That'll be our last party there.

Back to the crazy life that is ours. Perhaps you notice this with your children too. My son woke up disregulated. After all, it was a party day and the excitement of the party day almost ruins my kid. In my house, we have the classic signs: walking on tip-toes, baby voice and touching everything... and I mean everything. I have to keep raw meat off the counter while I'm cooking because my boy will come to touch it.

The parties didn't start until 2:30 and I have to say, I was impressed with my kid holding it together. Well, mostly holding it together. Pooping our pants is a sure sign of stress in our house. It's also just disgusting. By noon we had pottied and gotten cleaned up. All ok. By 2:00 we were out the door with daddy for our birthday party.

I have to say, the party couldn't have gone better. My son love the ticket chasing machine (I don't know what it's called!) He caught so many tickets he started shoving them in his mouth. How I'm sorry I missed this one! Games were played and pizza was had. A great day.

Meanwhile, at my daughters party we had a parody of “Heathers'. I swear I've never seen so much drama in my life and she's only 7. With 5 girls there is an odd number and always a fight brewing. We braved 3 fights in the 2 hours and lived to tell the tale. Over the next few days I'll spin this story so that my daughter had the best birthday. It helps that they are 7 and very trusting.

Anyway, the evening was not as good as the day. My husband and I both recognized that my son could not calm down. He could not sit or focus. He could not be still. Not good for bedtime. An hour before sleep I gave him 1 mg of melatonin. Our first in quite a while and started the bedtime routine.

Nope. Not happening.

I got my daughter into pjs and bed while my son melted down. Screaming, screaming, screaming. Possibly more screaming, I lost track.

Good news? I wasn't surprised. I was prepared. I knew my kid had too much in him. I know my kid needs to scream. I let him.

This might sound strange to some people and I have to tell you that I sent my husband on a fools errand so that he wouldn't be home for this because he hates the screaming, but I knew my son needed to scream. I put him in bed and laid on him.

Yep. Laid on him.

I had a therapist tell me this was a good idea. I was astonished. For me, this is a bit of a last resort. This is when my kid is so out of control that I have to hold him down but I know he needs me near him. How is this a good idea? My substitute therapist said “You are using your body to calm your child. Your child needs your physical presence to calm. This is a great thing.” Damn, I'm smart and didn't even know it!

Back to my son. After about 5 minutes he calmed. He was screaming at me... well, several unpleasant things, but it eventually ended in ...'and I'm hungry'. Poor baby, I'm sure he was hungry. CEC pizza was at 4:30. It was now 8:00.

A glass of milk and some Ritz crackers got us through the rest of the night and the birthday really was great. Whatever will next year hold?

Comfort

November 1, 2010

Comfort

I've figured out that part of the reason that my son is sleeping better at night is because he can hear me typing on the computer outside of his bedroom door. I have no idea how he can hear it over all of the fans and the humidifier, but I've got money that says he can.

It's strange sometimes what brings comfort to our children. My daughter is currently struggling with her place in the world. As I mentioned before, this is a new thing for her. Every night for the last couple of weeks she has asked me to tell her about the time when she was a baby. Every night I try to come up with a new story. Multiple stories each night are more than I can handle.

She also has the first baby toy that we gave her. Actually, she has a copy of it. The foster mom did not return any of the toys we sent or take pictures with the disposable cameras for us. Our foster mom was a business woman who fostered 6 children instead of the legally allowed 2 children. She was also the facilitator. While the logical side of me can understand the business arrangement and probably the need for money, the mom in me still has some resentment.

For my son the most important thing that we have is an old baby blanket. It wasn't the first or the last blanket. It wasn't a toy or a special piece of clothing. It was this blanket. I remember picking it up in the store and handing it to my daughter. (It's a pastel blanket.) My son felt it once and grabbed it and wrapped himself up. I don't know why, but this was his blanket. We still keep it in a special drawer.

When my children are having problems, I try to remember these simple, little things that seem to help them so much... a special something that only we do together. Over the next few weeks of upset (by which I mean holidays, birthdays and timechanges) these special moments will be the glue that holds my children together. It will be what gives them the confidence to take on the world.

On my to-do list this week is to find our videos from with the kids were babies. I can only imagine the fascination these will hold now that they are so much older; to plan special cookie baking days for us and probably a movie night. Kids don't need exciting or hard to create things. They need the comfort of home and the hug that only mom and dad can provide.