The Matriarch

The Matriarch

Today it occurred to me that I may be the matriarch of my family.  Yep, the matriarch.  I may need a stiff shot of whiskey to handle this.  When my children were littler and struggling with attachment disorder they would work very hard to play my husband and I against each other.  Now, some of this is normal but AD means pushing everything past normal.  Fed up with this I told my children that I was 'the head of the family' that I fact 'I owned everything.  I own the house, the toys, the food, the children.  Everything!'.  My son, always searching for the crack in every bit of logic answered 'you don't own daddy'.  To which I replied, 'yes, I do.  I own everything in the world, including daddy.  I am the head of the family.'

Anyone reading this will recognize that I don't own the world and anyone who knows my husband will recogize that I don't own him.  We're an obnoxiously equal couple; however, my four year old son did not understand this and howled like the end of the world had arrived at our doorstep.  Fights from this point forward centered on me, the head of the family.  My husband was often (but not always) given a pass on the screaming and tantrums because the main push was to dethrone the head of the family, me.

Over time this proved to be one of the smartest things I have ever said to my kids.  When my son was smaller, he focused all of his rage on me.  It wasn't fun but as the mom I was going to get it anyway.  Taking some of it away from my husband gave my son someone to turn to when times were rough.  After all both he and daddy were under the thumb of a repressive dictator.  My daughter quietly examined all of these interactions and then one day announced that she too would be the head of her family.  I smiled.  Then I
explained to her that whatever parent stayed at home was the head of the family and that there were many responsibilities with the position.  She still thinks it's pretty cool.

But I believe I might have become 'The Matriarch' today.  This is not a position that I sought and frankly, I don't want it but it appears to be mine.  With the addition of my MIL to our little family I have stepped up.

Over the last several months I have taken over the bill paying for two households.  I am first point of contact for MIL's doctors.  I am recognized at our local ER.  I am also the one who has to solve the strange problems like... MIL accidently set her microwave on fire and I have to explain to her why she cannot have it back.  Or... the conversation with MIL on why she must take a shower. 

On the other hand, I think I get this title mostly because I don't want it.  When MIL told me that she didn't want to take her medication, I told her to discuss the issue with her doctor and I would back her up 100%.  This scared her (something I didn't foresee) and we haven't discussed it again.  With my son I explain to him that he is in charge of his asthma issues, his medication, his sensory problems.  My job is to help him and to teach him how to handle the problems.  My son has grown so much because I know he is old
enough and smart enough to handle this. 

I've come to realize that being The Matriarch is the easiest and hardest position in the world.  My job is to trust everyone to do their jobs while watching to see that no one drops the ball.  It's a lot of stress and a lot of worry and very little action on my part.

Asthma Attacks

Asthma Attacks

We've had so many good days that I had planned to give up my blog, but then we had some bad days, and then MIL was sick and not sick and the blog got lost.  As things even out in our life this blog will have to change and evolve but I'm going to try to keep it going.  It's been really fun to write.

Anyway, spring has sprung... sort of.  I know that I should be grateful for the lack of tornados in our area but would a ray of sunshine really hurt?  Just the other day I joked that we would be building an ark soon.  Of course, we'll have to get another dog as we only have one, but I have two kids and two hermit crabs so after I get the second dog I'll be set to float away. 

Spring for us always means allergies for both my husband and my son.  My son started on Clartin more than a month ago when pollen levels started to rise.  We monitor his peak flow (the amount of oxygen he breathes out) and just his general sniffles.  Mostly all has been good... until last week.  Hubby came home from work with a simple cold which progressed to a chest cough which immediately jumped to my son.  Crap. 

As you may know in the past a cold equaled a massive asthma attack and trip to the ER.  As my son has gotten older and bigger and as we have become more educated on asthma we have been able to catch several attacks before they happened.  So, in typical fashion we increased Flovent to twice a day and started my son on Albuterol twice a day.  Now, due to an insurance change, we have to get all of our medications mail order.  Of course I have not ordered new puffers of albuterol so I put my child on the nebulizer.
 
My son always has side effects.  Actually, I think everyone always has some side effects.  We had the racing heart beat and the all over shaky boy.  I didn't think much of it.  After 3 days of our standard medication our symptoms went crazy.  First I noticed that his heart beat was WAY too fast.  We sat together, watched tv and waited it out.  Later at dinner he was visibly shaking, fork swinging in the air.  I watched. 

The next day after the morning treatment things came to a head.  After running crazy through the house in a bad way,  (unless your the mom, you cannot distinguish bad running around from good running around) my son melted down yelling about brushing his teeth... still not outside of our range of normal.  We hit wierd when I walked into the bathroom to scold my child and he cowered in the corner and said 'mommy, please don't kill me'. 

I stopped. 

I looked at my son and whispered 'why would you say that?'.  He answered, 'not you, daddy'.  I answered, 'daddy left before you got up, just like every other morning.'  My son started to sob and say 'I don't know, I just don't know.'  At this point, I crossed the floor to him and held him. 

That day I took him off all  medications.  All of them.

My allergist was available to see us 4 days later (perhaps it is time for a new allergist), and could not come up with any real reason for this strange reaction.  According to him, the nebuilizer dispenses more medication that the normal puffer so perhaps this caused the reaction.  My allergist, who I think is very good most of the time, doesn't like to consider a child who may have additional issues like SPD.  How exactly do you figure that into the equation?  Even I'm not sure.  In addition, he can't decide if I'm a crazy mom or one who is on top of it.  You have to admit, both types of mom's look similar.

We've adjust my son's medication to Singular instead of flovent and claritin in hopes that this combination will help prevent attacks better.  Albuterol is still our back up medication based on our success in the past but I am concerned about our next attack.  Will the albuterol work in a more sustained fashion or will we be faced with another breakdown like before?

Only time will tell.

Needing a Clue Card

Needing a Clue Card

November 13, 2010

Yes, I am needing a clue card right now. My son is... well, not right. He is not melting down. He is not raging. He is going to school and playing with friends. Why am I not happy? Why? Because, he is not right.

My son is having trouble focusing. He is talking out of turn at school. He is touching and handling everything. It's like his sensory problems are running crazy but muted. What the hell is going on?

Ok, it's driving me crazy. I'm an expert at my children, particularly my son and his many issues, but this one has me confused. He is unfocused which is pretty unusual for my child. His senses are out of whack but not wildly out of whack. He continues to sleep without the help of melatonin. His asthma is in control.

On the other hand, my son will run around and stick his hands in raw hamburger. (So far I've caught him everytime before he has stuck his hand in his mouth.) He touches everything on the kitchen counter. On the other hand (yes, I have three hands) he uses his words to get gum or chewy stuff to cut down on issues. The babytalk has not reappeared. I'm lost.

I suspect others have been in the same situation that I am. You know that something is not quite right with your child but you don't know what. I feel like my son might have the beginnings of the flu or ADD or … I don't know, a tapeworm, SOMETHING. We're at the beginning of something, I just don't know what. Maybe I'll never know. Maybe my mommy-spidey senses will conquer this problem and it will just disappear.

In the meantime, we are playing sensory games. Gum has become a daily item in our house. I purchased the old fashioned, tough bubble gum today. According to my therapist it counts as heavy work. I also picked up Starburst and Carmels. Both are very chewy for my kid. In addition, I used spray icing, graham crackers and plastic plates for dessert tonight. Both my kids thought it was “so cool” to get icing to both play with and to eat. The graham crackers were just extra. My son didn't eat a lot of the icing but he did play with it. Maybe this new texture will help him integrate.

My detective work continues...

My Crazy Life In the Mix

Welcome to my crazy life. I'm the mom of twins who are almost 7. They were adopted from Guatemala at the young age of 8 months. My son is 'in the mix'. He is currently diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and Attachment Disorder, sometimes called Anxious Attachment and has been recommended for evaluation for Pediatric Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, Separation Anxiety and possibly OCD in addition to asthma which sends us to the ER frequently. My daughter has no diagnosis at all. She is a thriving 6 year old who is handling a pretty tough family life. I'm mom... a little bit crazy and a little bit stressed, but still here.

This is a blog about our life, ups and downs and all of the twists in between. Grab a drink and read on.

• Mom of Two