The Birth Parent Search

The Birth Parent Search

We are currently discussing the birth parent search.  This sounds like a simple question.  Do I search for the birth parents of my children or not?  This seems like a simple question with a simple answer. Of course.  Then I have access to medical information and personal information for my children.  But the real question is... do I search for the birth parents of my children?

I am finding this to be a tough question in many ways.  I would be lying if I said that I don't find this threatening to me as a mom.  The birthmom has done nothing wrong in the eyes of my children.  She has never said 'no' to unhealthy snacks.  She has never enforced bedtime.  She has never yelled in anger.  She is a saint.  While I know she has never spent 4 nights in the hospital when my son was sick or coached my daughter in fractions, these are things easily forgotten by seven year olds.  While we talk about the birthmom freely in our house, she is still a mystery and shrouded in fairy tales.  If my chilren are the Repunzel equivilent, what am I?

And then there is the birth father.  A complete absense in the history of my children.  I believe he takes up one line in the report of the birth family.  My husband has no competition.  I am both envious of my husband and saddened for my children.  There is absolutely no way for us to ever find the birth father.

So now what? 

Against ever fiber of my mommy-being, I believe that we will have to search for the birth mother.  At sometime, my chilren will deserve to know and to make the decision to meet her or not.  I can see the heartache in my future, but being a good mother means putting your children first and I believe that my children will need this connection.  I am still planning on putting this off for another year and I will not tell my children until they are older, but I will have the information waiting for them when they are ready.

When will they be ready?

Well, actually, I don't know.  My kids are already asking a lot of questions about Guatemala.  It holds an almost mythical quality to them.  They know it is their birthplace and they want to see it.  They want to go back.  They are seven now and I believe we will take them to latin america before they are ten.  I think this will be a tough, emotional trip for them and I want them to take it before they are old enough to pull back from me.  I want to be able to be there for them when they have questions. 

For our trip to Guatemala, I'm unsure at what age we will actually travel.   I am not comfortable in the country right now.  I don't believe it is terribly safe.  On the other hand (I have many hands) safe or not, we will need to make the trip.  Perhaps twelve or thirteen will be the right age. 

Some people might wonder why I am thinking so hard about something that is so far away.  I have a good reason.  I don't want to go.  I don't want to do this.  They are my children.  They are american.  I don't want to acknowledge any other family or heritage.  By planning now, I will be ready in six years.  I will be ready to face the next step growth for my children.  My goal is to always be there for them.