Sarah

Tonight I'm thinking about my friend, Sarah.  Sarah is in her first year of marriage and is in labor with her first child at a measly 23 weeks.  She also has medical problems of her own.  I'm worried about both of them.

All of her friends are waiting to hear any news.  Waiting to see if there is anything we can do to help.  Waiting sucks. 

During a wait like this, it seems that all of us are reflecting on our own lives and our own choices.  I remember the two years of trying to conceive.  The stress every month with the pregnacy test came back negative.  I remember wondering what I had done wrong.  Was it the glass of wine?  Was it because I was too stress out?  I'll never know.  My husband and I fall into the 2% of couples who have no medical reason for not getting pregnant.  We just don't.

I also remember the two years of waiting for my children to arrive.  We had brief passes with domestic adoption.  There was the friend of a friend who changed her mind.  There was the girl who was diagnosed with an immediate terminal illness.  Internationally, there were closed countries everywhere we went.  There was a lot of waiting.  Then, there were my twins.

As I talk to my girlfriends, each of us is thinking along these same lines.  We are thanking our lucky stars for the children we have regardless of how difficult the road was.  We're looking back at past pregnacies and past adoptions and past difficulties.  We're remembering how lucky we are to have the families that we do.

Ironically, we're also reflecting on the children we wanted and never had.  It's surprising how much grief is also tied up with families.  A young girlfriend of mine is trying to decide if she will be able to have a second child after a difficult delivery with her first.  A second girlfriend is remembering her many miscarriages.  I still wish for our third child, an adoption we could not afford.

I often think that this is the hidden life of women.  The life or the part of us that men are not a part of.  Don't get me wrong, my husband held my hand through every up and down, but it is different for him.  This is something that binds all women together.

Tonight, my thoughts and prayers are with Sarah and her unborn baby.  I am praying for the best for them both.